It was the early hours of the morning our time, but I was deeply aware that I was not in our time, this world time, I was in fact, in a previous time, a past life.
I found myself in a lounge of a large home, a residential home, but not for the elderly, for disabled children; I guess back then it was more of an institution.
I could feel it was real, I could feel me, within me, I still felt as me.
My baby had been taken off me, ‘for the best’ I had been told, he was disabled, it was so real. The distraught feelings, the grief, the despair, the anger, I could feel it all.
It felt as if I was on my own, no partner. As to the circumstances that led to my pregnancy I am not aware; but it was deemed by everyone, by society, that the child should be cared for in a ‘special home’. What I wanted didn’t matter! It was not important, it was considered a selfish desire, after-all, who was I to think I could possibly look after my child properly, when the home had so many Nurses, so many more capable individuals whose expertise was so much more important than a mothers love for her son.
I didn’t see as far back as the birth and when he, Alyn was taken away; this was about 18 months later. I remember walking through the building, still bewildered, still full of grief, desperately wanting my child.
I walked passed many people half oblivious to what they were doing or who they were. My thoughts were only for Alyn. I wasn’t even allowed to name him, they, that is, the staff at the home, named him Alan, I didn’t particularly like that name, so I changed how I spelt it and pronounced it to Alyn.
I walked around the corner in a daze, and there he was, being held in the standing position on a nurses lap, facing away from her. My eyes fixed on him as my entire being leapt, the attachment to him was so strong. I could feel it from my Solar Plexus. I burst into tears as I ran towards him and grabbed him into my arms, oh how I ached to be with him. I kissed him furiously and told him I loved him. In his own way, he replied ‘I love you’. Too young to know the meaning, yet he seemed to know it was the right thing to say, even with his impaired speech.
I looked at him intently, just never wanting to forget his face. His full head and sparkling eyes shone like a beacon to lighten my heart as he looked at me. I gazed at him just taking in the energy, the love.
I just wanted to take him home, he was mine, my flesh and blood, yet despite my unhappiness, I could see that he was unaware of the situation, he was quite happy in his protected yet restricted life, he knew no more.
Suddenly, it was time to go, my time was up; I was so reluctant to let him go…………………… ……..
Then I was back here, in this time with a greater understanding of the grief I had suffered over the loss of my grandson; it had been magnified from the loss of my son, Alyn.
I was still carrying the loss, I still had the attachment to Alyn, I was carrying it in my Luminous Energy Field, it was an imprint which was or did affect my decisions, the choices I had made.
The desire to have a boy was to replace Alyn, the grief of loosing my grandson, was linked to the fact that in some ways he would have given me that little boy back. The strong desire to have another child, hoping it would be a boy, just another way to replace Alyn. The thoughts of using a surrogate mum, an unconscious way to try to bring Alyn back. How powerful these past life imprints are, they can and do affect our current life and the decisions that we consciously and unconsciously make.
With awareness, comes healing if we are prepared to love and let go. I had to go through a clearing, a cleansing from my attachment to Alyn. I had to be prepared to cut that attachment, the very attachment I had hung on to, unconsciously, for, who knows how many years, how many life cycles!
This was my day, my day to release, heal and change my Luminous Energy Field and how it informs my Chakras. As always, I just jumped right on in there with a ‘lets do it’ attitude. Lets face it; if we don’t need the baggage, why would we choose to keep carrying it? Senseless really.
We are often so unaware of the past life imprints that we can and so often do carry over into our present life. It is so important to focus our life on ‘self-healing’ ‘self-development’ but on a spiritual level. By following a spiritual path we open ourselves up to change, to clearing the past, to releasing the old and welcoming the new.
Everything happens for a reason, we need to take the positives and leave behind the negatives. We need to find a lesson that will take us onwards and upwards, enlarging our capacity to grow and evolve into the Spirit being we truly are.
You may have imprints in your Luminous Energy Field which also needs clearing, perhaps you too need to look a little deeper into the ‘why’s and what for’s’.
Shamanic Healing is a journey, it takes you through the present AND the past, it clears, heals and returns your soul to wholeness in preparation for you to fulfil your present journey, doing that which you were placed on this earth to do.